On loving [too] hard

This goes out to my students and my Young Life kids–the ones I’ve shared jokes and depths with.

Tonight in my room, I scribbled a prayer to Jesus:

Am I a fool?
For pouring prayers, investing emotions, sacrificing time
for one who never says “thank you”?
For advocating, emailing, crying
for one who carefully hides his soft heart
(not quite well enough)
in a citadel of concrete?

Do I mistake foolishness for compassion?

And the Jesus I know, He whispered through my pen:

To be Me, in pursuit of My lost children–
is not easy–
It involves loneliness, involves
sorrow, tears–
lacks
reciprocation

It is the cross.

For My Father’s beloved mocked Me
even as I spilled my blood for them

And 2017 years later,
His spirit–it soothes my soul:

My daughter, you can do this
In your weakness, I am strong
you carry My divine DNA

To love like Me, the world deems foolish–
for it is selfish, and I am selfless.
Love well always, my daughter.

So sure–it hurts when
Your love flows from me without
reciprocation
over
and over
when his response is null for now.

But You, Your love is ever-present–
it ever-flows
unconditionally.

So Your love–it is enough.

It is all.

“Love always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

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